Our countdown to our due date is only 15 weeks away. 15 weeks! I think it’s starting to hit us both that this train ain’t stopping, and our lives are about to be completely turned upside down.
My pregnancy symptoms are hit or miss. The nausea is pretty much over with (Praise the Lord), and I only feel fatigue intermittently. Usually I’ll have a string of 4 really good days and on the fifth day I feel like I’ve been hit with a tranquillizer dart.
My biggest challenge at this phase in my pregnancy is my moodiness. I’m normally a pretty composed and even keel person. Not so in pregnancy. I constantly feel irritable and frustrated. The slightest disappointment turns into a meltdown and/or rant against whatever caused the hassle.
My friend Jessica told me that when she was pregnant with her girl, she was an emotional crying mess, but when she was pregnant with her boy, she was oddly angry a lot. I guess I’m experiencing something similar, and it’s so different from my usual personality that I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. Poor Jonathan is walking on eggshells all the time, trying not to wake the beast, and Bailey has taken to hiding under the bed to stay out of the way of ‘mean mommy’. It’s awful!
But there are some good things about pregnancy too. My skin is glowing, my hair is thick and voluminous, and…and…I’m out. Truthfully, I’m not really digging the tiny human taking over my body aspect, but I’m really looking forward to seeing that adorable baby rump with a whale imprinted on his cute little tooshie.
|A cute whale butt is totally worth 10 months of pregnancy!|
And honestly, so far this pregnancy hasn’t been so bad. I’ve heard of many other women who’ve had it much much worse. I think sometimes it can be a harder adjustment for athletic people who are used to being able to move freely in their bodies and have energy for miles. Suddenly I have to admit that my body has very real limitations and that it doesn’t fully belong to me. And part of the hormonal moodiness might also be a result of my lack of coping mechanisms. My go-to therapies have always been a long hard run followed by a steaming hot bath and a big glass of red wine, none of which are wise activities to partake in during pregnancy. No wonder I’m on the verge of a violent temper tantrum all the time!
The only thing that is keeping me somewhat grounded is my daily bible study. I know that I have no control over what is happening to me emotionally, so I just try to give it over to God. I’m praying constantly that he would ease my anger and bitterness and rekindle my gentle and positive spirit.
I’m just longing to feel like myself again. Though I know once baby is born, ‘myself’ will be a fluid concept, constantly changing until I can pin down what ‘myself’ even means after motherhood. But that’s a whole other anxiety completely.
Let’s move on to this week’s bump pics. Due to some heavenly weather, we were able to move our photo shoot back outdoors this week, though the sunshine created some weird shadows on my face. So don't look at my head, look at my drastically growing baby bump instead!
P.S. In case you were worried about her, Bailey has been getting plenty of time with 'sweet mommy' as well. On my lethargic days, she's my snuggle buddy, and she's taken to using my bump as a pillow.
It warms my hormonally imbalanced heart. It really does.