Bump Day: 31 weeks (and a day)

It’s been a pretty rough couple of weeks in our household. It started with Jonathan being on a 10 day business trip to Thailand, from which he returned with some South East Asian version of the common cold. As soon as he was semi-recovered, it was my turn to deal with a runny nose, hacking cough, and migraine-esque sinus headaches. 

And if that weren’t enough, in the midst of the worst of my symptoms, Jonathan was struck down by a mysterious ankle injury. He doesn’t remember any trauma occurring, just that suddenly his ankle was causing him some of the worst pain of his life. He’s been laid up for 3 days now, and after a strict regimen of steroids and prescription strength anti-inflammatories, his pain is finally manageable, though the culprit is still a mystery. 

On Tuesday, when he first saw the orthopedic doctor, the doctor thought it might be gout. It was really the only thing that fit with his symptoms. However, all of his tests came back normal. He went back today for further consultation and blood tests, and he’ll have some MRI/X-rays if it’s still bothering him by Monday. The doctor is totally stumped. It’s like an episode of House over here. Let’s just hope it isn’t Lupus… (sorry, inside House joke).  

Please please please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. I know he is in pain and I also know how frustrating it can be to not have an answer or diagnosis for what you’re going through. Please pray for the doctor to have discernment and an effective treatment regimen to get Jon back to his healthy self. At 31 weeks pregnant, I really need him to be 100%, especially since we have our big Scotland trip planned for the end of next week. I would so hate to cancel, but I can’t imagine it would be much fun if Jon has a useless ankle. Anyway, back to me… 

Long story short, taking a weekly Bump picture has been pretty low on the totem pole of surviving this week, which is why I’m a little behind. Jonathan managed to hobble outside this afternoon and was able to take some shots of the bump against the side of the house, though making it up the stairs into the garden was out of the question.

At 31 weeks pregnant I am hitting a wall. I’m tired and lazy and emotional. That could be the head cold talking though... who knows? It hasn’t been the easiest week of my pregnancy, that’s for sure. But baby boy is growing and wiggling, constantly giving me little jabs in the ribs to let me know that he is doing just fine. 

I think God is using this time as ‘mommy training’, teaching me how to push through my own tiredness and physical discomfort for the sake of my family. I haven’t handled it with the most grace in the world, but I’m praying that the Lord would help me put aside my selfishness and resentment to focus outside of myself. It’s much harder than it sounds, especially when sleep deprivation and raging hormones come into play. 

No, it hasn’t been the easiest week of my pregnancy, that’s for stinkin' sure. Hence the tired look in my eyes in the pics this week... Here you go:

Back in Business

Hi Friends. Just an update to let y'all know that my computer came back from the hospital yesterday. Basically, she got the equivalent of a brain transplant since her hard-drive went completely bonkers. As a result, my computer has severe amnesia and only retains pictures from her former life. Last night and this morning have been busy restoring all of the necessary programs and data to get her back to her old self. I'm hoping that by later this week we will be in full working order once again and we'll be able to put this mess behind us. 
 
There are subtle signs that all is not completely right with the computer universe as of yet and I may be bringing my computer back in for a check up pretty soon. Especially since we paid about 1/3 of the price of  new computer just to spring her from the repair shop, and she isn't quite working 'like new' as was promised. Please keep us in your thoughts as we work out the kinks! Hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a Bumpdate.

Bump Day: 30 Weeks!

My laptop is still in intensive care, so please bear with me as I attempt to blog from my hubby's iPad. I'll keep this brief. Baby Boy is now about 3.1 pounds and is the size of a yummy butternut squash. Here are the shots from this week.

My computer has an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed for a good prognosis. I can't wait to get back to blogging!

Technical Difficulties

Sorry for being missing in action, but one of life's great tragedies occurred last week: my computer crashed:( I feel like I've lost a very dear friend. I'm writing this quick post from my old dinosaur Dell from my LSU days. It's pretty slow going, but I'm impressed that after 8 years, this puppy is still functioning, whereas my 1.5 year old Dell is in some sort of coma.

It figures, since at Mahjong last week I was defending the merits of Dell and PCs in general against a room full of Mac people. Yep, I faced the fire of hipster persecution in the name of customer loyalty. My feelings for Dell are not so fond this week, but I'm still not desperate enough to return to the failed experiment that was my personal experience with Mac ownership.

I'm taking my sick friend to the computer doctor today and hopefully they will be able to revive her. If she's beyond saving, I'll be in the market for a new computer. Any of you PC users have a recommendation on a lightweight laptop with a lifespan greater than 2 years? You Mac people can save your breath. I'm never going down that road again, no matter how many Dell computers crash and ruin my life.  

Bump Day: 29 weeks!

Hello friends. Today marks the start of my 29^th week of pregnancy. My bump feels outrageously big, and I seriously cannot fathom that it still has miles to grow before this baby is fully cooked. 

I think that my petite frame makes the baby bump size feel more dramatic. I had my first prenatal class this past Sunday, and was the only shorty in the group. Even though I had the latest due date, I felt like my bump was one of the largest, beaten only by a girl in her 31^st week that was carrying twins. 

I’m okay with it as of now, since I feel like it’s still in its ‘cute’ stage and I don’t have any stretch marks as of yet (at least not on my belly- my hips and thighs are a different story…). But at the rate this baby is growing, I’m a bit anxious to see what I’ll look like 11 weeks from now, if I’m lucky enough to make it that far along. 

I’m starting to feel more lethargic as the days go by and I’m not nearly as gung ho about exercising every day. I feel like I have a finite amount of energy to expend on a daily basis, and sometimes an hour long workout just doesn’t make the cut. 

Still, our prenatal instructor reminded us that you wouldn’t run a marathon without training ahead of time, and since labor requires the same strength and stamina, why would we spend the 9 months prior falling out of shape? Um, because we’re enormous and tired and there is a tiny human pushing against our bladder and lungs…but other than that, I think it’s a great point.   

I should probably stop blogging and go for a jog, especially since for the first time since conceiving, I’m entertaining the idea of natural childbirth. Epidural is still my official ‘birth plan’, but in Aberdeen, you need to have about 4 back up plans in case an anesthesiologist is unavailable or you’re turned away from the hospital despite being dangerously close to birthing a baby. True stories. I'd say there is a bit of a short staff problem here, but that's just me...

Jillian stepped in as photographer this week since Jonathan was unavailable. Thanks friend! The pictures were taken in the noonday sun which is why they are a little bit bright. 

 

 

P.S. I don't know how much longer this dress will accommodate my growing bump. It's getting pretty short....

I once was lost, but now am found.

Having dogs has been great prep for parenthood. For one thing, they routinely wake us up in the middle of the night due to potty breaks, thirst, hunger, sickness, or just needing a cuddle. Just yesterday, Samson consumed a bumblebee and proceeded to throw up all over the kitchen rug. I’m already used to dealing with poop and puke that isn’t my own, so I doubt diaper changes will do much to my gag reflex. 

Dogs also take away a bit of your autonomy and flexibility. We can’t just whiz out of town at a moment’s notice because we always have to line up someone to care for them. Sometimes we spend more on the dog’s lodging than we do on our own. Even for long daytime events or excursions, we have to ask friends to come by and let them out for a potty break or take them for a walk around the block. 

They are constantly on my mind and their needs are usually met before my own. Yes, I think having dogs is a good pre-cursor to having children, and I have no doubt that my relationships with Bailey and Samson will enhance my relationship with my son. In the same way, I think they’ve taught me a lot about my relationship with Christ. 

I know that sounds silly to you non-dog owners out there, but bear with me. Bailey’s running away last week was really convicting in a lot of ways, mostly because her obnoxious disobedience reminded me of my own. 

On her best day, Bailey is a great dog. She is affectionate and smart. She knows what I want and wants nothing in the world more than to please me. She looks to me for guidance and is sensitive to little cues that I give her. On these days, I have 100% confidence that I can let her off leash and she’ll choose my voice over any Scottish animal in the wilderness.

But on her worst day, she’s strong willed and stubbornly independent. She tests both her boundaries and mine. Her disobedience is hurtful and frustrating, especially since we’ve spent so much time and effort on training her. 

We aren’t crazy-strict. We don’t need her right by our side. We’re ok with her being a dog and running wild, just as long as she stays within a certain perimeter and comes back as soon as we instruct her to. On most days, this arrangement works, but as I learned last week when she disappeared for 3 stinkin’ hours, sometimes it just doesn’t. 

Sometimes I can’t trust her to make smart choices; to respond to my voice; to do what she’s told; to behave in a way that’s respectful of the freedom she’s been given. Sometimes she ignores all that she’s been taught and chooses to follow her own path. This behavior causes me stress and despair. It makes me feel helpless and hurt. 

And it strains our relationship. For three days after her incident, Bailey tip-toed around me. She wouldn’t make eye contact. She was subdued and cautious. I didn’t ever scold her or spank her, which let me know from her behavior that she knew she had done something very bad in running off. She wasn’t oblivious. She didn’t get ‘lost’. She ran away. She made a choice. 

The morning that she ran away, I had a sinking feeling that something like that would happen. I was anxious and stressed, but really wanted to get out and enjoy the morning with Jill and Angus, and I wanted Bailey to be with me. I decided to give it to God, and before we drove to meet Jill, I knelt beside Bailey and prayed over her. I prayed that God would watch over her. That God would prompt her to obey me. That God would always bring her back home. 

For the first 20 minutes that she was lost, I stayed pretty calm because I knew that I had prayed this prayer for her. I knew that at any moment, we’d see her spastically running down the trail to catch up with us. Except, we never did. 

The minutes turned into *HOURS* and I lost a bit of faith that I’d ever see her again. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would keep her safe and prompt her to either come to me or some other walker so that she could be found. Eventually that happened, but not before I almost lost my mind with grief and guilt and helplessness. 

But the heart-wrenching experience gave me a glimpse of what the highs and lows of my walk with Christ must feel like to Him. On my best days, I’m constantly seeking Him first. I’m studying my bible; I’m trying hard to serve others and I’m working to nurture my fellowship with other Christians. I pray on every single decision I make. I’m constantly asking for guidance and I trust that my life is in God’s hands and that He won’t abandon me. 

But on my worst days, I'm selfish. I'm ungrateful. I'm too busy to pray or to complete a daily devotional. I am anxious and worried and not trusting that I am under the supervision of a good and just God. I can't be bothered to listen when He calls my name or instructs me on which way to go. I keep wandering further and further off the path, following my own whims and self-indulgent concerns, until I find myself hopelessly lost. 

Every time we move, I’m back to being diligent in my prayer life and bible study. Even though these are times of great turmoil, I’m usually pretty calm because I know I’m going where He wants me.  

I struggled to get pregnant for nearly 3 years. As painful as it was, it must have been a sweet time for the Lord to feel me leaning on him daily. To feel the faith I had, and the unfailing trust that I felt that His will was being done, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. It must have been such a moment of joy for him when I saw that positive pregnancy test and fell to my knees in gratitude. 

I felt so close to Him during that journey. I actively knew that I needed him. It’s become such a chunk of my personal testimony. 

But then what? After 3 years of praying for healing, of praying for acceptance, of praying for guidance, I suddenly had what I wanted most. I don’t think I ever consciously thought: ‘I don’t need you as much anymore’ but subconsciously, I think my independent nature came out and I behaved in a way that said, “Thanks God; I’ll take it from here”. 

I stopped being as diligent about prayer or bible study. I stopped being excited about attending church. Instead, I was consumed by my pregnancy. I struggled with morning sickness in my first trimester, which couldn’t be helped, and somewhere along the way I just fell out of the habit. 

My training got lax and once I entered my 2^nd trimester, I just had ‘more important’ things to think about. My thoughts became consumed with NHS prenatal care, jogging strollers, breast pumps, nursery furniture, the perfect name, etc. I could hear God trying to re-direct me. I felt a convicting knot in my stomach when I managed to find the time and energy to blog and exercise but yet when it came to my bible study, I would always choose napping over studying the word. 

I slowly tuned out His voice and chose my own path, my own thoughts. I started struggling with anxiety about all the uncertainties that come with delivering and parenting a child, especially in a foreign culture. I was constantly sad and stressed and oh-so negative. I was wandering farther and farther from what I was trained to do (pray and focus on the word), and instead followed my fears and worries down a tumultuous path. 

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And I’m not going to lie: I am terrified of giving birth. I’m terrified that my baby won’t be perfectly healthy. I’m worried that I’ll be a deficient mother and that I’ll struggle with selfishness and postpartum depression. I'm apprehensive about how parenthood will change my marriage. I’m stressed that we have to travel with a newborn in order to get him a passport, visa, and circumcision. 

SOURCE

It’s overwhelming and easy to get caught up in the worry of it all. But as soon as I start to let my imagination run wild with ‘worst-case scenarios’, I remember how close to God I felt in the moment when I found out I was pregnant. How much I trusted Him to take care of us. How much confidence I had in His will and His way and His timing. 

So even if I’m totally in over my head and completely out of my comfort zone, I know that He’s got me covered. He’s watching over me. He’s keeping me safe. He’s putting the right people in my life. He’s always going to bring me back home. 

Amazing grace, indeed.

Long Walks on the Beach

We enjoyed yet another sunny Saturday this past weekend. This summer has been drastically different than last summer. I remember that last year during this season, I could count on one hand how many picture perfect days we got in Aberdeen. Every time the clouds went away and the sun came out, I was rushing upstairs to throw my bathing suit on and rushing back outside to try to soak up as much vitamin D as possible. Usually, I’d get in a good 45 minutes before the weather turned gray and cold and I was herded back indoors to work on house-wife stuff. 

The shining sun was a constant cause to immediately drop everything and head outdoors. It made me appreciate the sun more, but at the same time, it was so exhausting to constantly monitor the weather in order to plan the day. 

Selfie in the sunshine

This year, the sunshine has been so consistent that I feel like we’ve actually gotten the opportunity to take it for granted. When it’s sunny and warm 5 days out of 7, you don’t feel the extreme need to put off household chores in order to enjoy the few hours of warm sunlight you might get that week. 

I’ve been complimented twice in the past week on how ‘brown’ I am (Scottish speak for tan). I haven’t even been trying to tan, it’s just a natural effect of my daily walks where it’s warm enough to wear shorts and tank tops. 

I absolutely love this Scottish summer! It’s warm, but not uncomfortably hot. At night, you still need a light jacket, but it feels great to walk to dinner. 

But there are pitfalls too. For instance, last summer I could also count on one hand how many times I shaved my legs. In Scotland, I’m just not used to having my legs and feet look presentable all the time. I usually slap on some leggings and UGG boots and no one is the wiser. Now that I wear sandals on a regular basis, I’m having to ensure my runner’s toes don’t scare any children. 

It’s harder than it sounds since Scotland doesn’t share the American affinity for affordable nail salons on every corner. And now that I’m 7.5 months pregnant and can barely even see my toenails, it’s getting harder and harder to paint them myself. Shaving presents the same dilemma. 

And last year, I never even noticed our lack of air conditioning or ceiling fans. This year, it’s quite the pain. We have to keep our windows open all day allowing plenty of outside critters access to our house. I don’t even want to tell you how many spiders I’ve killed in the past 3 days. Yuck. 

We can’t sleep with the windows open because the sun comes up before 5 AM and the seagulls crow like roosters (or dying cats) from 4 AM onward. We have a bedroom fan that we keep on full blast, but again, for a pregnant lady, air conditioning is something I miss very much. 

When we went to Paris, we both said that the high of the trip was air-conditioning. We made sure to book a hotel with this amenity and kept the room at about 64 degrees F (16 C). It made for some good hibernating pregnancy naps, that’s for sure. We totally binged on artificial air.   

But with all of these negatives of a true 'summer', everyone is still very hush-hush about complaining too much. The positives far outweigh the negatives, and nothing beats Scotland on a clear summer day. 

For instance…our friend Tash was dog-sitting Falene’s lab Kady this weekend, so she and Jill (and Angus) invited me (and Sam & Bailey) for a walk along St. Cyrus beach. Since Bailey and I are both still a bit shell shocked from last week’s disappearing episode, I decided to exercise her one-on-one before leaving her behind while Sam and I enjoyed a coastal hike with the big dogs.   

Despite being a magnificently sunny day, the wind was fierce. It kept the otherwise warm temperatures feeling deliciously cool, but made rat’s nests out of our hair. 

Poor Sam kept getting sand in his eyes, but he was obliviously happy nonetheless. 

He loves the water and if he were allowed off leash would be out in the surf chasing seagulls. Little dude has no idea that he has physical limitations. He is wild and brave and I love the stuffing out of him.   

The walk was an ‘easy’ 3 mile circuit down the beach, up a cliff, back down a cliff and back to the car park along grassy shoreline pastures. As we were about to finish the beach leg of the walk, we started noticing jelly fish dotting the shoreline. 

Luckily, Sam and Kady were pretty oblivious to these ‘chew toys’ but Angus was not. Before we could stop him, he had gathered one in his mouth and you could tell immediately that he was hurting pretty bad from a sting. He instantly got sick and for the rest of the hike he kept trying to eat grass. We were concerned but fortunately we all had smart phones handy which assured us that though he was in pain and likely would be for a few days, he would be alright. It’s been a stressful week for Jill and I, dog-wise. 

Since at this point we were halfway through the walk, there was no point in heading back to the car, so we proceeded. Only, we couldn’t seem to figure out where the path leading up the cliff was located. We had seen one a few hundred yards back, so we decided that must have been it and retraced our steps. 

These uphill climbs are getting pretty tough for me and my 3 lb baby to make. I lagged behind in the back, taking my sweet precious time. My friends were super supportive of their slow poke friend, but I have a feeling I’ll stop getting invited on hiking excursions pretty soon... 

When we got up to the top of the cliff, we realized that we had actually just climbed the path we were supposed to use to descend the hill, so we decided just to do the hike in reverse and go down the path we were supposed to go up initially. 

We found the trail leading down at the top of the cliff, and a local man told us that the footing would be tricky near the bottom, but we should be able to navigate it. We got almost all the way down the steep path before we realized that the trail was no where near passable, so we headed right back up the way we came. No wonder we couldn’t find the trail at the bottom of the cliff. It had been completely eroded away. 

Going up and down was definitely a work out for me and little Sam!  We finally made our way down the first path we climbed and then it was pretty smooth sailing throughout the walk. Due to mixups, our 3 mile hike turned into 5 miles, which was quite a good field trip for both me and Sam. 

The best part of the walk came when we loaded into the car and saw some baby highland cows across the street. 

These adorable cattle always make my day. All three of us girls hopped out of the car for a spontaneous photo shoot. 

Definitely one of the very best things about Scotland! 

This brilliant summer and incomparable Scottish scenery is definitely making staying active while pregnant a lot easier. My hope is that I'll still be somewhat mobile for our Western Scotland/Loch Lomond tour in 3 weeks time. Here's hoping!