40 days/40 nights

Since we aren’t Catholic, lent has never been a religious custom of ours. Growing up in heavily Catholic south Louisiana, it was always a secret pleasure of mine that, unlike my friends, I wasn’t required to give up any of my favorite things for the 40 days of lent and I could eat quarter pounders at McDonald’s on Fridays while they were stuck with filet-o-fish.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the sentiment behind lent sacrifices. What I think will help me to focus and seek Jesus is not to give up chocolate or French fries, but rather to give up something so terrifyingly necessary in my life that I’m a bit shaky in my commitment. What I’m struggling with most right now is being able to discern God’s message over all the other secular wisdom surrounding me. That’s why, after much (much much) consideration, I’ve decided that for the next 40 days I’m going to give up television. You heard me. Television.

It’s become routine in our house that I get home, walk the dogs, cook dinner and then immediately sit down in front of the TV for 2-3 hours. Then I read until I’m too tired to hold my eyes open, at which point I turn on Gilmore Girls which lulls me into sleep like a sweet lullaby. So after working all day, I come home and am bombarded with distraction after distraction. It’s robbing me of intimacy both with my husband and with the Holy Spirit.

When I first approached Jonathan about the TV idea, he was firmly against it. I believe he even said it was impossible. After a lot of discussion, we came up with a compromise. We may not quit watching TV cold turkey but we are committed to limiting our viewing to one show per night only after we’ve had dinner and after we’ve done our couple’s bible study. This will allow us to spend some quality time with each other and with the Lord before we turn our minds off for the day. The bible study we’ll be doing first is Gary Chapman’s The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted. I’ll also be starting Beth Moore’s Believing God series with my sister and Mom. In addition to the TV cutbacks, Jonathan has also committed to not working out for the next 40 days. Now that’s a sacrifice!

The Bachelor or Fear Factor?

I’ve alluded to the fact that ‘The Bachelor’ is a favorite show in my household. This season’s bachelor, Ben F., is a swell guy and if I weren’t a married lady, I could see myself dating him. Lucky for him I am married and not a contestant, because I don’t think this show has ever seen the level of panic attack that I would have certainly had on a number of this season’s ‘dates’.

For instance, there is not enough Xanax in the world that would make me get within 5 feet of a helicopter much less climb to the top of the Bay Bridge or free fall into an underwater cave. This week’s episode was the worst so far, requiring some poor girl to jump from a helicopter into Belize’s blue hole and then three girls on a group date to swim with sharks. They already got stuck with a group date and now you want them to swim with sharks? Over my dead body.

During Linzi’s romantic terrifying helicopter/Blue hole date, I started laughing hysterically. Jonathan shot me a quizzical look and I explained that I was just imagining Ben’s reaction to my reaction were he to ask me to jump out of a helicopter. Into 500 feet of ocean. With sharks. My reaction would have been ‘heck no’. End of story.

For instance, I wonder what Ben/ABC would do if a girl displayed my reaction when snorkeling recently in Hawaii. Would Ben have exhibited Jonathan’s patience while watching me stand on the edge of the catamaran for 30 minutes trying to muster the courage to jump in? What about when I finally did jump in, only to immediately start hyperventilating, sobbing, and puking to the point that I had to be tranquilized with my mom’s secret Xanax stash? And that was because I saw a fish about the size of my fist, which apparently is the whole point of snorkeling. Who knew there were fish down there? Terrifying. (Me, tranquiled after snorkeling. Thanks for the Xanax mom. Oh and also, thanks for taking this embarrassing photo.)
Maybe I’ve never really been in love, but there is no one who could make me feel compelled to do someone of these Bachelor stunts. I would simply refuse. I can just imagine it: “Laine, on today’s date we are going to hang-glide into an active volcano”. Not for a million roses, buddy, especially not for a relationship with a shelf life of 6 months max.

I’m starting to wonder if ABC makes these girls sign a contract agreeing to participate in these activities. I just want to know when ‘The Bachelor’ turned into ‘Fear Factor’. Gee, you know what would be a really romantic date? Why don’t we churn the water with some bloody fish and then have you and your romantic love interest jump into shark infested waters…on your second date. And would it really be a deal breaker if a girl flat out refused? ‘Why is so important to you that I swim with sharks? Is shark-swimming a trait that you’re looking for in a wife? And if so, I’m sorry but I don’t see this working out very well.’
Let me tell you, I married quite the adventurous man, and yes, sometimes it is frustrating to a scuba diver that his wife has a phobia of water; or to a black diamond skier that his wife won’t leave the bunny slopes. But being as though we don’t live on a ski lift or at a dive shop, these things aren’t part of our daily lives and therefore don’t really affect our marriage. Jonathan doesn’t share my affinity for European history or televised dog shows, but I’m still glad I married the guy.

I shouldn’t get so worked up about it. It’s just a reality TV show that feeds on drama. If these guys and gals could form a decent connection over endless breadsticks at Olive Garden, they wouldn’t be on the show in the first place. Maybe they need death defying stunts to forge a bond. Me and my man, we bond plenty just by watching ‘the Bachelor’.

Seperation Anxiety

Here is a picture of Bailey-girl looking mighty sad that her dad’s suitcase is out. Yes, both of our pups suffer from mild separation anxiety and anytime we start packing, they start moping.

When we first rescued Samson, we realized early on that he would cry incessantly anytime we left the house. While we were home, he was surprisingly well-adjusted for a rescue dog (well except for his licking the wall neurosis) so realizing how stressed he was when we left him was really heartbreaking. Bailey’s separation anxiety doesn’t manifest itself quite so cutely but rather usually results in the destruction of walls, furniture, shoes, etc.

Our main form of combat for this condition has been to lather them with toys and treats anytime we leave the house. They are conditioned now to be excited rather than stressed when we leave because during their potty break I will leave an Easter egg hunt assortment of chew toys, rawhides and cheese-whiz Kongs hidden around the house. While they are gathering up the loot, I’m able to sneak off to work unnoticed while they stay occupied right up until naptime. Once we figured out this trick, solving the dogs’ separation anxiety has been simple. I wish it were that easy to cure my own.
Jonathan has had a string of out of town work gigs lately, leaving me quite mopey myself when that suitcase comes out. My cure for loneliness is similar to the dogs as I plan projects and “me” time to distract me from the fact that Jon is gone. This time my treasure hunt of treats has included an at home facial, a new valentine’s day treat recipe from Pinterest (that’s right, he was gone for V-day), two Tom Hanks movies, overdue phone dates with girlfriends and a bottle of wine from the region of South Africa where Jonathan proposed.

That might have provided the necessary remedy had Jonathan been my only good-bye this weekend. Unfortunately, I had other goodbyes on Sunday. My sister and her family are in the process of moving to Gainesville, Florida. She and her boys stopped at my parent’s lake house for the night on their drive out. I drove up to have pizza with my nephews and watch Breaking Dawn: Part 1 with my sis. They left at 8 am the next morning and it was so hard to end my goodbye hugs to each of them.

Usually I don’t say goodbye but rather “I’ll see you soon”. The only problem is that I honestly don’t know when I’ll see them again. They used to live a few hours away from Lake Conroe and so I would see them during my parents’ bi-annual U.S. trips. Now that they are in Florida, I know it won’t be so easy for them to make the trip twice a year.

To make it a bit more uncertain, Jonathan and I will be finding out in two weeks if we’ll be moving ourselves. Since he works for a very global company, we could be relocated anywhere. It’s starting to hit me that my sister will live in Florida, my brother in Texas, my parents in Nigeria, and soon Jonathan and I could possibly be in Asia, South America, Africa, Europe or even Australia. We’ve known for a while that this was a possibility, but as possibility quickly turns into reality, I’m starting to feel a smidge of separation anxiety.

It’s making me reflect a lot on my marriage vows, during which I promised to “live where you live”. Our whole wedding party giggled during that part since at the time Jonathan and I were in the process of moving to Midland, TX from our home in Louisiana, and I was not too thrilled about the change.
Looking back, the move solidified our relationship more than any other experience and it taught me that as long as I have my husband and my sweet pups, it doesn’t matter where I live. Even though it hurts and can be frustrating to be so far away from my friends and family, Jonathan is the one person that I absolutely refuse to be separated from. So if that means moving anywhere (other than Midland, TX), sign me up.